What a Difference a Decade Makes

Thanks in no small part to a push from President Bush, NATO has done what nobody could've imagined ten or twelve years ago: added ex-Soviet Block countries.  At the session just ended, Romania, Bulgaria, Slovenia and Slovakia,Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia all joined the club.  Georgia wants to be a NATO'er too.  Even Russia now has an advisory role.

But what's their job now that the Cold War (to fight which NATO was founded) is cold and dead?  Well, first they backed the US in warning Iraq to disarm or face those dreaded "serious consequences."  Then they signed off on a plan to form a 21,000 member combination force that can respond quickly to terrorism and other threats.  And now that they have 19 members, the alliance decided to go to a division of labor scheme where each country concentrates on a particular skill -- rather than each nation streatching to do everything.

It's a good try (at being relevent) and could work.  The new members are sure excited.

Michael Moore: Pet or Food?

Rolly-polly fringe radical Michael Moore is getting raked over the coals for being a big hypocrite.  That is to say, he posted a typical screed on his website about evil Republicans vs. righteous Democrats just before election day, predicting the Dems would romp to an overwhelming victory.  Then, he was wrong.  So, unlike more straightforward online wordsmiths (ahem), he deleted it as if it had never been.

No one would pay this any mind, of course, except that it's Michael Moore: heroic skewerer of fat cats and disheveled crusader against all forms of (non-liberal) political and corporate dissimulation.  It's that "glass house" thing, again.

Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, Episode 2

Senator Tom Daschle -- recently named MWP ("Most Whinney Player") by the congressional Pathetic Lawmakers Caucus -- says radio commentator Rush Limbaugh is behind a wave of death-threats he's received.   Millions of cretinous conservatives are remorseless killing machines, says Daschle, doing the bidding of the evil, bin Laden-like talk show host.  Limbaugh's mindless minions take the fact that he has the temerity to actually critique Democratic policies as a coded order to kill liberal politicians.

Even the Washington Post thinks this is goofy.

Britain Sees Dead People

Taking grotesque, degrading reality shows to a whole new level, British TV will televise a live autopsy tonite. Odd German doctor Gunther von Hagens, who runs a human corpse museum, will dissect a 72 year-old man before a sold-out audience of 500, each of whom paid $33 to see it. Channel 4 will carry the public dissection followed by a discussion. You can comment here.

Watching dead folks being sliced and diced used to be a major form of entertainment for the Brits, but it's been illegal for about 170 years thanks to something called "The Anatomy Act" which is administered by a fellow with the actual title "Her Majesty's Royal Inspector of Anatomy!"

If the show gets decent ratings, though, public autopsying could get its own series. After that, we'll surely import it here in the states a la Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. With the popularity of shows like Fear Factor, Survivor, and Maury Povich, Who Wants To Be A Cadaver? can't be far behind.

The Undiscovered Coffee

Decaf -- which is an ABOMINATION in the first place -- also doesn't protect you from a rise in your blood pressure. Circulation: Journal of the American Heart Association says a study by Swiss doctors shows your blood reacts the same whether you're drinking leaded or unleaded. And that suggests there might be a secret, unsuspected, paranormal, mystery ingredient (besides the divine chemical caffine) in the wonderous beverage that powers our civilization.

Thrills Galore

According to this USA Today story, former VP, political chameleon, and blockofwood Al Gore is slated to host Saturday Night Live next month. The fate of the republic could ride on his performance...

Sky Is Falling

If you live in the northern hemisphere, do this tonite: set up a lawn chair way out in the wilderness where city lights don't shine and stare at the sky for a couple hours. This will be the last decent Leonid Meteor Shower for at least 30 years -- maybe until the next century. And, on occasion, they can be doozies!

The peak times to see space rocks heading your way are 11:03 pm EST (4:03 am GMT) tonite and 5:46 am (10:46 am GMT) in the wee small hours of the morning.

Or, if you dislike reality, watch it develop online here. Just try not to get hit.

New Advice: Eat More Fat

Finally, medical science is coming around to our way of thinking: Forget the rabbit chow, eat fatty meat instead! Health oracles usually roll their eyes and vomit at the mere mention of the Atkins diet -- the one that says you should eat lots of protein and fat and make your body ketonic to loose weight. Now, three studies by docs who hate Atkins have puzzled the medical establishment exceedingly by showing that, not only do you loose more weight, but your cholesterol gets better too!

Of course, the most recent study was paid for by the Atkins Foundation, but hey! It was still a study -- and we like the result! And Dr. Atkins is up to 72 years old now.

Pastrami and T-bones, here we come!!

Fast Forward

Hans Blix and his crack team of weapons detectives are back in Iraq and ready to go. Doctor Diatribe imagines what it will be like when they complete their work...

Gutless Wonders

Brave al-Qaeda soldiers fighting honorably for truth, justice, and the Muslim Nutcase Way had the kind and loving idea of dropping cyanide into the London Underground, causing the agonized deaths of thousands to make their point. Which is what, incidentally? Well, according to their latest rant it involves us dumping Israel and everybody converting to Islam (their brand, no doubt). We've got a better idea: Why don't they convert to sanity instead?