Time To Eject

Good move, Trent!  You've just done for the Republican Party what Al Gore did Monday for the Democrats. 

It always pays to listen to the Gnomon.

Watching You Surf

The New York Times says the Government wants ISP's to cooperate in building a system to spy on you as you surf.  The Government says it wants ISP's to cooperate in building a system to "detect Internet-based attacks and provide a defense against software viruses."

Well, ummm... if it's the second one, we're all for it; if it's the first then we're violently against it.  We'll let you know how we feel when actual facts emerge.

Syria's Serious

Returning their copy in a huff, Syria told the UN today they don't want no stinkin' expurgated version of Iraq's Weapons Declaration report -- they want the whole enchilada!  You know, like the United States, China, Russia, Britain and France got.

Hans Blix, you see, snipped out all the parts that could clue other nations in on how to build the nasty weapons we're trying to get rid of in Iraq.  The US et. al. already know how to make them (and we're all permanent UN Security Council members) so we all got the unsnipped report. 

"Yeah, but we're on the Security Council right now too!" they protested.  "It's discrimination!"

"You're also a country run by nutcases who sponsor terrorists!  So no nuclear secrets for you!" Secretary General Kofi Anan shot back.

Well, not exactly... but we can dream, can't we?

"Out, Out, Damn'd Lott..." (Did Somebody Use That One Already?)

Burning effigy Trent Lott declares that he's not going anywhere and what's more, he's got the votes to keep his leadership job, too.  So there!  But somebody in the darned White House keeps leaking stories about how the President wants him gone.  "Dag'nabit," says Lott, "I've got the support of President Bush an' all the 'publican Senators!"

Yeah, but the President's Brother says you're dragging the party down, Trent.  Other Republicans tell us the Prez doesn't like you anymore, and neither does Colin Powell.  And your fellow Republican Senators -- starting from the most liberal and working inward -- are calling for you to begone.

In Gnomon's opinion you're no worse than Democrat and ex-Klansman Robert Byrd and a whole lot less bigoted than, say, Al Sharpton.  So don't feel like you have to quit the Senate altogether.  But frankly, at a moment of historic Republican ascendancy and Democratic flaccidity your bonehead move threatens to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory!  That in and of itself disqualifies you from being the Senate Leader, Trent.

Take our advice: Quit now.

Pee For Health

Got high blood pressure?  Forget all those fancy drugs; taking a good, old-fashioned leak (well, a lot of them) is the best treatment. 

That is to say, an eight-year study of 42,418 people from all over North America found that diuretics (i.e., drugs that make you pee a lot) are as good as or better than ACE-inhibitors and calcium channel blockers at lowering hypertension.  Which is good news because diuretics are cheaper and produce fewer side effects.

Paranoid Disclaimer: Doctors say other drugs still have a role to play and that some people with hypertension need a combination of drugs to control the problem.  Always check with your doctor before changing your medication so you don't die.

Gore Gone

Are you suprised?  We're not.  After appearing as though he was revving up to maximum campaigning speed, former VP Al Gore did another of his famous awkward reversals and announced he won't run for President after all.  He said he reached this momentous decision while "in New York City all week long rehearsing for 'Saturday Night Live.'" 

Democrats everywhere breathed a sigh of relief.  Potential candidates -- particularly Senators Kerry and Lieberman -- began jockying for position.  Pundits of a certain ilk are proclaiming the bigness of the man and the great service he has done for his country. 

But the only real reason Gore bailed is: he knew he'd be shellacked this time.  This way, as Tucker Carlson put it on CNN's Crossfire, "he'll always be this sort of poignant footnote in history, the man from whom the presidency was stolen in the view of Democrats."